Tuesday, April 10, 2012

What I wish I'd known as a new mom

This post is inspired by The Gypsy Mama's post "For when you think you're failing motherhood"
Lisa-Jo asks, "What do you wish you knew as a new mother?" Here's my answer:

I wish that I had known how seriously I was injured during the birth of my first child.  I had a fourth degree tear, during NATURAL CHILDBIRTH.  All that meant to me was a lot of stitches. All that meant to me was a major tear in my skin.  10 years later, I'm writing this from my bed as I recover from surgery that repaired the muscles that were violently ripped through as I delivered my first child.

I wish I'd known that I had experience that trauma.  I felt like a failure for not conforming to the Bradley method of childbirth recovery.  I'm not blaming the method, it worked so well, I did it again.  However, the pain I was in didn't match up with the stories I'd read and so began a downward spiral into postpartum depression that lasted well over a year. 

10 years and 4 kids later, I now understand why I was in so much pain I couldn't stop crying, why I lied to every one I knew, including my husband, about my true feelings. Knowledge of what happened to me and the wisdom to keep it from dragging me into a pit of fear and feelings of failure is what I wish I had.  In the end, knowledge and wisdom are my ever-renewing wish.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for stopping by and leaving such a kind comment, too. I will stop by your blog. Thanks for the invitation.


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