Friday, August 27, 2010

7 Quick Takes Friday (Vol.8)



One

I had planned on being lazy about blogging this week, then @E1_i_says mentioned me as blog he enjoys on Twitter and my good friend Christi complained about no Wordless Wednesday post.  People read and enjoy me blog.  Huh.  Who knew? 

Two

I was going to correct that typo in One,"me blog", but I decided I like it that way.  

Three

I'm listening to the Irish channel on DirecTV.  I don't have a good reason for this.  Just felt like it.

Four


We had two geocaching adventures this week, both to caches that had eluded us the first try.  The first one was hidden in a really clever way, but not really hidden at all when you think about it.  Sorry.  I can't elaborate.  It's against the geocacher's code.  If I knew how to encrypt this post, I would tell you all about it!  The other one we found had been muggled the first time we went looking, but it was back and I found it in about 3 seconds.  It was full of Silly Bandz, so you know that was a good one!


Five

This week was Andy's turn to drop the library books through the outside book drop.  He was all smiles and giggles the whole time.  It's funny what makes kids happy.  Just look at that smile! 

Six

Today was Andy's first day of Kindergarten.  This is a whole post in itself, but I just want to commemorate the day right here in Quick Takes because it might be a while before I have time to write about how much I love my boy and how heartbreaking it is to let him go.  I'm tearing up just thinking about it.  Why must my babies grow up?  Why can't they stay tied to my apron strings forever?  Only a mother can truly understand when I say, "Would you leave me alone for 5 seconds!" and then cry when they do.

Seven

Quick! I must think of something to make me laugh because I literally have tears streaming down my face from that 5 sentence post.......Drats! I can't think of anything funny!  Oh! Here.  This isn't the one I wanted (It's not working for some reason), but I love this one too.  This is Andy and Renee ages 2 and 1, respectively.



Would you like to get in on 7 Quick Takes? Visit Jennifer at Conversion Diary to read more and better Quick Takes and link to your blog.

Friday, August 20, 2010

7 Quick Takes Friday (Vol.7)


One

Today I let Emma put the library books in the outside book drop by herself while I stayed in the car.  I parked right in front of it and she only had to walk 3 feet away, so, ya know, it was safe and all.  Anyway, when she got back in the car she said, "That was so cool!"  It's the simple pleasures in life to notice.

Two

I fear I may be losing my ability to parallel park on a dime.  When we lived in Hoboken I could park my car with only 2 inches on either side on the left or the right side of a one-way street, first try.  Here in Ohio there isn't much need for parallel parking, so I'm out-of-practice.   Lately I've noticed that when I'm pulling into a regular spot I'm crooked and, worse, on the line!  It's outrageous!  This must be amended.  I think next time I'm out, I'm going over to the parallel parking practice area the driving school uses and I'm not leaving until I'm either motion sick or perfect, whichever comes first.

Three

At ice skating lessons the other day, my 4-year-old's teacher came over to speak to Kevin and me after class.  Since a week earlier I'd requested Renee be moved up to the next level, I thought she was coming to tell us that she was going to be moved back down.  What she said made my eyes well up with tears.  She said, " I just want to tell you that Renee is trying so hard.  She does everything I ask of her and she is so sweet.  Usually the only time I talk to parents is when there are discipline issues, so I wanted to take this opportunity to tell you: Renee is a pleasure to have in class.  I see her skating in the 2018 Olympics, she's just that talented."  Ok, so she didn't really say the part about Olympic talent, it was more implied. Still, those tears were tears of pride in my daughter.

Four


I've been reading No Turning Back: A Witness to Mercy by Fr. Donald Calloway, MIC.  I'm just about finished with it and if I didn't already know that the hopeless, pathetic wreck of a drug-addicted boy would turn out to be a Marian priest, I would never believe it.  Page after page I read of his despicable, self-destructive behavior thinking there is NO WAY this kid will ever become the man on the cover.  It's inconceivable!  Well, after reading this book through to the part where he is ordained (I've still got a couple of chapters to go), it's true.  It's incredible.  If this priest isn't the poster boy for Divine Mercy, I  don't know who is.  I've heard Fr. John Corapi's conversion story and when he asked why God would choose him, his superior would tell him that God looked around and couldn't find anyone worse.  Let me tell you, this kid would've given Fr. Corapi a run for his money!  This is a fantastic story.  If you think you or someone you love is beyond hope, beyond forgiveness, beyond  the mercy of God and can never, ever be redeemed, read this book and take comfort in the fact that God's mercy is there for you and beyond - way beyond- what you imagined possible in your wildest dreams!

Five

Our second annual summer tradition of Ice Cream Sundays is rapidly drawing to a close.  Last year, Kevin came up with the idea of traveling around town to the various ice cream shops every Sunday in the summer.   This year we continued the tradition with a new twist.  Instead of going out, which is time-consuming and expensive, we decided to have Homemade Ice Cream Sundays.  So armed with 4 ice cream cookbooks from the library, I have made: mint chocolate chip, cookies and cream, chocolate marshmallow, salted caramel, roasted banana, backyard mint chocolate chip, backyard lavender, chocolate fudge swirl, chocolate peanut butter and, this weekend, cheesecake ice cream.  Our tradition ends Labor Day weekend which means I have 2 more Sundays to go.  What do you think I should make?

Six

When ice cream Sundays end, I'm thinking that the fall should be all about pie.  The Sunday after Labor Day through Thanksgiving will be a glorious crust-making, pie-baking season.  Of course I need a catchy name.  Does anyone have any ideas?  Maybe, I'll ship a pie to the winner.  (Internal dialogue) Hmm, that would be cool. My first contest.  I wonder how to go about shipping pie through the mail.  Might be tricky.  Oh, well!  I'll take any suggestions on that too, if anyone has some.

Seven

I wrote a little piece that gave me a good chuckle yesterday.  I don't know if anyone reads my blog other than the things I post on Faith and Family Live and Conversion Diary, so I will tell you about it here.  It's a bit of a confession entitled Mary Comes Clean, Sort Of.  If you have time, I'd love it if you'd stop by and read it. And if you'd like, you can share your own shortcomings!  We're all friends here.

Don't forget:  Ice cream suggestions, Pie Sunday name and how to ship a pie.  Love to you all.  God bless your week.

Would you like to get in on 7 Quick Takes? Visit Jennifer at Conversion Diary to read more and better Quick Takes and link to your blog.



Thursday, August 19, 2010

Mary Comes Clean, Sort Of

Just in case anyone had the idea that I am without fault, here are a few "confessions": 

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I love stealing! I am a gifted thief. I very often have the ability to recognize things of value and take them for my own particular use.  Do you think I should go to confession for this?  Perhaps you need more information.  I steal other peoples genius ideas and put them to work for me.  Whatever can I mean?  Whenever I see or learn of a possible solution for a problem I'm having, I grab hold and implement.  It doesn't have to be a big problem, maybe a home decor or organization plan, perhaps a craft to do with the kids, maybe even a good way to store scrub brushes.  There is no idea too small to escape my desire for thievery.

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I like it when my kids get hurt.  Last week Andy fell off of the trapeze on the playground- actually, he jumped- and landed on his elbow.  It appeared to me that he may have dislocated it by the way he was running to me with it dangling at his side.  If it was, by the time he got to me it was already back in the joint.  Anne-Marie's godfather was over visiting and was so kind and gentle with Andy he helped me tremendously because, truth be told, I was a little rattled by the fear his injury was serious (Thank you, Mitchell).  But back to my atrocious love of injury.  Andy was so upset that he quit playing with his friends and went to lie down on the couch.  My 5 year-old wild man who never stops moving actually let me rock him and sing him lullabies and fell asleep in my arms! Can you really blame me for loving injury? 

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I have no compassion for tears.  When my kids cry I say, "Dry it up."  Am I an even more horrible mother than you already believe me to be?  Crocodile tears and temper tantrums are one of my biggest annoyances.  Boo hoo!  She won't let me be a dog.  Boo hoo! Opening the drawer to put my underwear away is too hard.  Boo. Hoo.  Crying for no reason?  I can't stand it.  The other night after the kids were in bed, I was leaving one of their rooms and I heard Renee playing in her bed with a little toy puppy.  Then she did something that made me laugh until I cried.  The dog was whining, like dogs do, and I overheard Renee tell the dog, "Dry it up!".  See! I've taught the kids that whining gets you no sympathy. 

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I am even worse than you think:  last week my kids begged me to let them play outside with their friends in the backyard.  I absolutely refused and, instead, sent them to bed.  I was thus labeled:
"The Meanest Mom Ever!!!!!"
I totally deserved it, too.  After all, I had just spent the weekend forcing the children to ice skate, play in the water at the splash park, have an overnight camp-out with hot dogs and s'mores,  and then eat homemade ice cream with Magic Shell.  I really am pure evil.

Mary forcing the kids to have fun as a family.
Would you like to come clean?  Please unburden yourself of your secret "faults" here!  

Small Successes (Vol. 12)

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1. Back-to-school preparations are nearing completion. I'm sure I forgot something, but as of now the house is relatively clean, the shoes and uniforms are in the closet, the hairs are cut and even the ballet uniforms and school sports forms are filled out! This is a pretty big deal for me because I have a strong tendency toward procrastination (just as my husband, my mom and every teacher I ever had).

2. P90X is still going strong. I'm in the last phase around day 70, I think. I was starting to get worried about the school year interfering with my morning workout schedule when my most wonderful husband suggested that, as long as I'm done by 7:15 to help pack lunches and fix hair, he would get the kids up, dressed and fed!  Is that a good man or what?

3.  Toward the goal of being done with my workout by 7:15, I've had to commit to getting up earlier.  Several of the days include 15 minute Ab Ripper X at the end which puts me behind schedule.  I've started setting the alarm earlier and earlier.  Today, I had such an upsetting dream that I woke up at 5:15.  I couldn't shake the dreadful feeling so I decided to get up at 5:30.  It was nice being done before 7:00!  Did you know that it is pitch black outside at 5:30 in the morning? 


By the way, as long as you're here, please stop by to read  my latest post: Mary Comes Clean, Sort Of.  It might make you smile.
It’s important for moms to recognize that all the small successes in our days can add up to one big triumph. So on Thursday of each week, we do exactly that. To share yours, click here.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Small Successes ( Vol. 11)

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1.  Back-to-school cleaning is in full effect.  Today is Day 4- de-toy and dust the family room and the "public" parts of the house.  Here's a breakdown of what we've done so far:

Day 1- Kids bedrooms:  clean out under beds, closets, dresser tops.  Remove 90% of toys to basement play area and throw out all the little garbage they think is worth saving, i.e., Happy Meal boxes and wrapping paper scraps
Day 2- Baby's room and Bonus room: Actually put things in drawers.  Since she doesn't play in there, lots of things just get dropped on the rocking chair and floor.  Bonus room: take a lot of toys to basement.
Day 3- Downstairs guest room: put all the books on the shelf, collect random game pieces, collect toys for basement.   Sort out 5 overflowing laundry baskets of toys into bins in the basement play area.  

Dang, we have a lot of toys!  8 years worth of toy accumulation = a crapload of toys!

2.  Getting up for P90X is getting slightly easier, but still I have to force myself to get up.  I find that I try to convince myself that I don't have to get up this early, I can do it later, it doesn't matter.  Sometimes I think it might be the devil trying to get me to stay in bed because I know I won't do it later if I don't get up early.  I'm just that lazy.  Anyway, I drag myself up for the salvation of souls, one in particular, who shall remain anonymous.  Some days it's so hard I think, if this person doesn't make it to heaven on P90X alone- I don't know what!

3.  You know, those are big successes and I can't think of a 3rd one to add. So I guess I will take this time to say thank you for reading my blog. God bless you, my blog-reading/writing friends.  I look forward to reading your comments and your successes. 
 
It’s important for moms to recognize that all the small successes in our days can add up to one big triumph. So on Thursday of each week, we do exactly that. To share yours, click here.

Sunday, August 08, 2010

Sunday Snippets- A Catholic Carnival (Vol 3)

Sunday Snippets- A Catholic Carnival is hosted by This, That and The Other Thing If you'd like to join in, visit RAnn to share your posts with us! 

Welcome to 3 Turkeys!  Here ya go!  Have a blessed day. 

Lost in Manhattan
7 Quick Takes Friday

Friday, August 06, 2010

7 Quick Takes Friday (Vol. 6)


One

My husband was charmed by my sweet talk last week and reinstalled some of the shortcut buttons I have used over the past couple months.  I'm still missing my Catholic Toolbar and Amazon.com search bar.  Those were both so convenient.  But...I'll take what I can get for the moment.  (Thanks, Sweetcakes)  

Two

Yesterday, during my trip to the mall for school shoes, we cut through the Land's End section of Sears.  This was no accident.  I like a lot of the Land's End clothes, but usually do my shopping online.  Sears had all the summer line on 50% off, so I scored 2 new dresses for a steal.  

Three

That little side trip into Sears came at the end of a long day of shoe shopping and playing.  The kids were tired, hot and thirsty.  Then they got dragged into an airless dressing room.  They did so well!  Four kids in a dressing room without a single outburst must qualify for some kind of reward.  

Four

I took the kids to the free summer movies at the local movie theater.   We saw Ice Age 3. This year the whole things starts an hour earlier.  Doors open at 9am, movie starts at 10.  I'm glad it's earlier because it ups my chances of success with Anne-Marie, but having to rush the kids around to get out of the house by 9 for a movie seems a little silly.  But, that's me: silly.  We did it and we had popcorn, m&ms and Orange Crush at 9:30 in the morning.  Did someone mention a reward?

Five

Last week I got snarked with a snarky tweet in response to a post on this blog.  True, I didn't expect everyone to agree with me, but I also didn't expect rudeness.  I took it very hard and I realized how open I allowed myself to be via this blog.  Then I came across an unread blog post from Gypsy Mama that had come in my email earlier in the week.  Wow! Did this make all the difference.  I highly recommend you read and subscribe to Gypsy Mama.  She has a way with words that makes me feel comforted and loved.

Six

Here is the photo response to anyone who tries to snark me again.  


Seven

Last week I mentioned that you would read about my suffering through P90X after a week off.  Well, here it is. Go on over, it will only take a second and you'll see how I manage to keep dragging my lazy butt out of bed before sunrise.

Would you like to get in on 7 Quick Takes? Visit Jennifer at Conversion Diary to read more and better Quick Takes and link to your blog.


Thursday, August 05, 2010

Small Successes (Vol. 10)

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Praised be Jesus Christ! And may He bless all here!


1.  This week I returned to my P90X workouts after taking almost all of last week off.  Let me tell you, it was brutal.  I don't regret taking last week off, I needed it, but after sleeping in every day last week, getting up before the sun was incredibly difficult.  I'm proudest of my dragging myself out of bed yesterday for Kenpo.  I had a late night out with a girlfriend and then severe thunderstorms in the wee hours woke me up.  I turned my alarm off and tried to go back to sleep, but my conscience said, "Get up, you lazy bum!  Don't you remember you promised to offer these difficult days as a sacrifice for the salvation of souls?  Get up!"  What a drill sergeant my conscience is!  So I got up.  Every time I wanted to quit and go back to bed, I offered it up again.

On a side note: how awesome is it that we can take these small sacrifices and give them to God to turn into something so much more than we ever imagined? 

2.  Yesterday I took the kids back-to-school shoe shopping.  We went to Stride Rite because they were having Buy One Get 50% Off the 2nd Pair.  My kids needed 2 pairs of shoes each: uniform and gym. The people who design the Stride Rite stores are a sandwich short of a picnic in my book.  I don't think they've ever actually gone into one of their own stores.  They are the tiniest stores I've ever driven and SUV stroller through.  There is no room to maneuver!  Anyway, that's not my point, but if you've been there, you know.  My point is during the long wait (only one person on duty during probably the busiest time of the year) many things happened.  1.  I did not get impatient, 2.  I had each of the kids pick out the shoes they liked so we'd be ready when it was our turn, 3.  When the baby started getting fussy, I sent the kids out to push her stroller around in front of the store, so I didn't go insane.   Eventually it was our turn and I think the sales person really appreciated my organization.  I lined up the kids on the bench and while they got their feet measured I went around the store and collected 6 pairs of shoes to try on.  Once it was our turn, we were in and out in 15 minutes.  Those are a lot of successes for one stop at the mall, if you ask me!

3.  In the waning days of summer vacation, I'm trying to do as many fun things with the kids as possible.  Yesterday, after the shoe shopping, we ate lunch at the mall.  I packed pb&j but bought them chocolate milk at Chik-fil-a.  (The cashier was tickled by how excited the kids got about getting chocolate milk.) After lunch I took them to the mall playground to let them practice their Free Running. No kidding, there were kids there who were literally trying to run up the walls.  They played for almost an hour and I only had one small , "Oh my gosh, where did the baby go!" panic attack.  I took my eyes off of her to tell Emma something, I looked back and she was GONE!  I was just starting to get that panicky feeling, when Renee came through a tunnel holding Anne-Marie's hand.  That playground makes me crazy.  There are several corners, so you can't see the entire thing from one vantage point and in those corners are exits.  Major design flaws, if you ask me.  Makes me think they need to hire a a mother of young children to consult on mall design.

You know what?  I got so off track with that last story, I forgot what I was trying to say!  Today we are going to see Ice Age 3 at the free summer movies.  Doors open at 9am, movie starts at 10.  If we make it, and I actually get to stay in my seat with Anne-Marie, I will count this as a success.  Here's hoping!


It’s important for moms to recognize that all the small successes in our days can add up to one big triumph. So on Thursday of each week, we do exactly that. To share yours, click here.

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Wordless Wednesday: Love Notes and Art

























































Dear Mom and Dad, Thank you for evrything you give us.  Thank you for giving us food.  We love it!  We uspeshly love you ice crem.  Noone cold have a Mom or Dad lice you! Love, Emma





Monday, August 02, 2010

Lost in Manhattan

Last week I was tearing the house apart looking for something- I don't remember what- when I came across an old journal.  It was in a drawer in a secretary that used to be in our living room when we lived in New Jersey.  It was a nice leather-bound journal and I had no idea what could be written in it.  Turned out, it was a journal I bought to chronicle my adventures in New York City and New Jersey after our move from Texas.  To a girl from Dallas, the East coast had an other-worldliness to it that is hard to describe.  Let's just call it a "clash of cultures".  Anyway, I thought I would share a story or two from this journal:

Mary's First Trip to New York City, Alone

January 2000

It had been 3 weeks since we arrived in New Jersey from Texas.  I had not yet tried to navigate my new home on my own and to say I was nervous was an understatement.  There was a book-signing by an author I wanted to meet at the Barnes and Noble on 86th and Lexington in New York City but Kevin was working, so I decided to brave it alone.

It started off badly. I left for the station at 9:45 thinking I had plenty of time to catch the 10:08 train.  The first part was supposed to be easy:  by the ticket and get on board.  I forgot about parking.  When I got there, there was not a space to found.  I drove around and - nothing!  I missed my train.  So, I did what any reasonable person would do:  I sat in the car and cried.

The next train was at 11:18.  I pulled myself together and miraculously found a parking spot.  The meter wanted $2.00 in quarters that I didn't have.  I walked to a nearby bagel shop and bought a cup of coffee to break a $50 to pay the meter and then went on to the station.  I had to wait 45 minutes but I finally bought a ticket and got on the train.  When I boarded, I was so anxious that I plopped down in the first seat I came to, which turned out to be the very last seat with no window and very little cushion.  The way my morning was going, I dared not get up to change to one of several empty, more comfortable seats.  The ride was a little over an hour.  I rode stiff-backed the whole way there but I made it to Penn Station.  Phase One of the journey was complete.

To my great relief, I found the E train right away.  I successfully boarded then foolishly got off two stops later.  Due to my inexperience reading a subway map, I got off the train about 5 miles too early but didn't realize it until I started walking.  I ended up walking almost the entire width of Manhattan and then about 30 blocks North.  I thought I might never get there, but miraculously,  I made it in time to miss the author's talk and to be 2nd to last in line to get my book signed only to retrace my steps back to midtown. (This time using the subway correctly).

Unfortunately, my return trip was not as simple as getting on New Jersey Transit and heading home.  This trip was to take me to Hoboken to meet Kevin after work so we could ride back to Morristown together.  To get back to Hoboken from Manhattan, you have to take the PATH train.  In midtown, you catch it at 33rd Street.  It should've be easy to find.  It's right next to Macy's.  Well, I'll be darned if I could find Macy's.  I didn't have a map, I had to go by street signs alone.  I was getting more and more irritated as the blocks went on and even though it was 20 degrees, I was starting to sweat.  Some guy asked me where he could catch the D train. I said, "What, I should know? I can't even find the frickin' PATH.  Where's the D train. Can you believe this guy?"   Well, I didn't actually say that.  It was more like, "I don't know, I'm sorry".  Same thing.

Eventually I found Macy's and the PATH.  I walked to the platform opposite of where a bunch of people were standing.  The train came and the doors opened.- on the wrong side!  My side never opened!  The train just left me there.  Alone. On the platform. Looking like an idiot.  There was a guy cleaning an out-of-service train who saw that I was confused, took pity on me and showed me where to go. I finally boarded the correct train, although I held my breath all the way to Hoboken, just to be sure.

Arriving in Hoboken, I walked to the park on the pier, brushed snow off of a bench and had a seat.  The park was quiet and across the river I could see cars speeding down the West Side Highway.  The mania of navigating a foreign place was behind me and now I could rest on the bench as the dropping temperatures crystallized the sweat on my upper lip.  The whole week leading up to this trip I couldn't wait to say, "Look at me!  I'm in New York City! Finding my way!  By myself! I am awesome."  I finally said it, once I was safe and sound in New Jersey.
While strolling down 5th Avenue, Kevin and Mary stop for a photo with Central Park behind them.

Sunday, August 01, 2010

Sunday Snippets- A Catholic Carnival

Sunday Snippets- A Catholic Carnival is hosted by This, That and The Other Thing If you'd like to join in, visit RAnn to share your posts with us!

Here are my contributions for this week:

Small Successes
7 Quick Takes Friday
The Giving Tree

The Giving Tree?

The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein is a book I really used to enjoy when I was a kid.  It made me sad in a happy kind of way.  It was bittersweet.  The tree loved the boy and gave everything she had for him.  The end. Isn't the tree wonderful?  Don't you just love that tree?

During a recent trip to the library, my son added the book to the arm-load of books we checked out for summer reading.  I was not thrilled when he asked me to read it because as I've gotten older I have found the book more and more irritating.  For the longest time I really couldn't say why I felt this way.  The more I'd read it, the more I'd want to roll my eyes. Why, when so many people think it's a wonderful story?


The first time I noticed my feelings for this book were changing, I was 20-something in full "I am woman, hear me roar" mode.  I read this book and found the tree to be a doormat.  I thought, "What is it with this tree, anyway?  Clearly she doesn't learn.  This boy is a selfish little punk, but the idiot tree keeps giving him everything he wants.  Tree, I will never be like you.  I am not a pushover and I will not keep giving to a bottomless pit of a person, like this boy."

Years later, I realized that it might be a metaphor for motherhood: selflessly giving to one's child.  It's true that we mothers are always doing or giving or sacrificing something for our children.  We do it, not expecting anything in return, because we do it for love.  However, let me tell you, as a mother of 4 children under 8 years-old there have been days when I want to yell, "I give and I give and I give!  All you kids do is take and make me crazy.  Ungrateful little punks."  Not for nothing, but I doubt there is a woman alive who hasn't felt like that at some point in her life as a mother.  I understand the tree's sadness at the boy's unappreciative attitude.



Still, I haven't been able to warm up to this tree, even if I do understand and want to give my children their heart's desire and hope for their happiness.  Why?  Well, I'll tell you.  Happiness doesn't come from apples, houses, money, boats, getting away from it all or even places to rest in our old age.  The tree gives to the boy but never teaches or reminds him that happiness will never come by way of external means.  Happiness is a desire placed in the heart by God so that we will seek Him.  As a consequence, the tree has a selfish, ungrateful and restless boy who cannot see what he has been given and cannot appreciate the love he has been shown.  Perhaps, if the boy looked outside of himself and thought about others as much as he thought of himself, he would have learned that collecting worldly treasures is meaningless if you don't do what God expects of you.  What is it God expects?  He expects us to love Him with everything we've got and love our neighbor as ourselves.  Did the boy do that?  Did the tree teach him these truths?  I doesn't look that way.



Am I asking too much from a children's book?  Maybe.  I know some people will disagree with my assessment of this book or accuse me of having a "holier than thou" attitude.  Rest assured I know that I have a far distance to go to reach holiness.  But I do feel this book misses the mark- by a lot. This is why whenever I read it, I have to add my own epilogue.  "Kids, happiness is not found through taking or acquiring of things.  It is not found through others.  It is only found through God.  Give your heart to God and he will give you the happiness that satisfies your soul."